Instastory of Me and Instagram
I feel like the bad effects of Instagram has taken a toll on me. I have so many photos that I love, but those photos are too simple or too uninteresting to be posted on the platform who breaks the barrier and obstacle for people to showcase every good things they have. And trust me, I myself feels happy for them too. But, as a sensitive and overthinking creature, sometimes people’s success reminds me of my “failure”. And that “failure” is actually not a real failure because I failed nothing. It just happens that whenever I see people reach their goals, I feel like I haven’t achieved something. Or if I have, that thing is mediocre compared to other people’s achievements.
Such an irony, for I try to remind myself over and over again that other people’s success doesn’t mean my failure. Damn, we are not even in the same competition or the same track, or even in the same field! I don’t know if other people feel the same way as me. But, when I think about it, I’m too ashamed to talk about this issue because, Hey sister why would you care about dunya so much? At least if you want to care about duniawi things, care about more important matters like conflicts in those other parts of the world which are happening right now, or your essays because worry thoughts about Instagram feeds or likes or comments won’t convince your professors to give you As.
Somehow I understand why psychologists publish their research that say Instagram is the worst social media for your mental health. Back then, I thought those people who are affected by its negative side are those who are too deep in Instagram world. Little I knew or realized that I was – and am - actually one of those individuals. I’m a really curious person. When I find something interesting, I will dwell in it for a long time to get basic and detailed information about that thing (that’s why it’s crucial for me to work in a field that fits my interest and not always in the comfort zone so I will keep coming for it). Fatally enough, Instagram has so many interesting and promising aspects to give to its users. Some are beneficial but others… not so much. Already entangled on its preface, I sit still and wait for other things Instagram has in store for me.
And to what extent Instagram actually has affected me? Well, let me try to list what I feel (besides, it’s good to break down something’s ‘manfaat’ and ‘mudharat’ when you are unsure about them):
1. I feel okay at first when I see people’s achievements. But gradually feel bitter – for myself – because I’m reminded that I haven’t achieved anything. That leads to me thinking that I’m just playing around (because if I’m really serious, then I already achieve big things right?) and not being serious in my life and wasting my time only, and that thinking ends up with blaming myself even though I don’t know which exact part of me that should be blamed. Imagine this ridiculous case: you see a fellow Indonesian young adult win a motorcycle race (what is it called? I just throw a random case) on international scale. Your people celebrate his achievement and suddenly you feel bad because this youngster has done something for your country and you do nothing. But it’s actually weird because you feel sad and blame yourself when the person who make you feel this way is on a whole different track from you because you cannot even ride a bicycle without falling or going smoothly to trees or bushes. For what crime should I blame myself then? For abusing nature maybe yes.
2. I feel so conscious about my appearance on social media. How I present myself and how people will perceive it. It can be good if you want to maintain an image. But once again what’s weird and illogical is when I post something, and then I see another person post thing that is similar from the context (like selfie- wait, I never have one. Let’s say a photo of your face). And then other people give so many reactions to their post compared to yours. And then you feel like you fail or lose something again when nobody even makes any competition from it. Or maybe because I’m kind of afraid to be compared to others like someone is scrolling through their home and your photo appears after they see amazing photos before you and then they think, “Oh, just a mediocre person.” Well it’s least likely to happen because I actually don’t think like that while seeing people’s photos. Maybe, these kind of thoughts appear in my head because I hold such a high standard for me to follow compared to standard I hold for other people. I think if I really fail anything, it’s that I fail to give myself more love. I have so much tolerance and forgiveness for other people than for myself. And I’m so lucky to be surrounded by those who care and treat me well. But it won’t be forever right? Life is harsh and someday I have to be a tough lady who doesn’t rely on others’ approval. I feel relieved by this quote from John Green’s book Turtles All The Way Down: “Your now is not your forever.” I’m sure I will change, and that change comes gradually because reality doesn’t work like magical girls’ transformation.
3. The worst case of my whole Instagram phenomenon is when I forgot to be grateful for things I actually have. I think when you are exposed to all the good things you don’t get to experience or have, and other people have access to it, it’s easy to feel somewhat unluckier (astagfirullah, astagfirullah, astagfirullah). You know, I am currently reading Andrea Hirata’s Ayah and I find beautiful reminder about the art of feeling happy from the littlest things. My eyes are a little bit watery by writing this because I’m reminded by my mother’s words. She said the reason why she loves books about ‘kaum papa’ and other less fortunate people, people who go through difficulty in their life especially those who live in poverty, is because these books remind us about being happy in the simple way. They remind us to be grateful for the things we ask and then granted by God, the things we have even though we don’t ask it, they just remind me to live in this world and not holding a standard too high because in the end, it all doesn’t matter. Those sparkly things the world has to offer doesn’t mean anything compared to everything God Has Prepared for us in the afterlife (it’s what I believe based on my faith). “Dunia hanyalah senda gurau belaka.” That saying is a medicine for my mother when going through hardships in life. If my mother, a really strong woman, can navigate her life by focusing on what actually matters, so can I.
This post has gone out of my first intention to keep it short, but in the end I get my feelings here and there. It’s okay though, I feel relieved and content because writing about this issue actually leads me to think about it from different side. Thank you for reading until the last word :).
(This photo is irrelevant, but I just tried Afterlight today and I love it!)
Such an irony, for I try to remind myself over and over again that other people’s success doesn’t mean my failure. Damn, we are not even in the same competition or the same track, or even in the same field! I don’t know if other people feel the same way as me. But, when I think about it, I’m too ashamed to talk about this issue because, Hey sister why would you care about dunya so much? At least if you want to care about duniawi things, care about more important matters like conflicts in those other parts of the world which are happening right now, or your essays because worry thoughts about Instagram feeds or likes or comments won’t convince your professors to give you As.
Somehow I understand why psychologists publish their research that say Instagram is the worst social media for your mental health. Back then, I thought those people who are affected by its negative side are those who are too deep in Instagram world. Little I knew or realized that I was – and am - actually one of those individuals. I’m a really curious person. When I find something interesting, I will dwell in it for a long time to get basic and detailed information about that thing (that’s why it’s crucial for me to work in a field that fits my interest and not always in the comfort zone so I will keep coming for it). Fatally enough, Instagram has so many interesting and promising aspects to give to its users. Some are beneficial but others… not so much. Already entangled on its preface, I sit still and wait for other things Instagram has in store for me.
And to what extent Instagram actually has affected me? Well, let me try to list what I feel (besides, it’s good to break down something’s ‘manfaat’ and ‘mudharat’ when you are unsure about them):
1. I feel okay at first when I see people’s achievements. But gradually feel bitter – for myself – because I’m reminded that I haven’t achieved anything. That leads to me thinking that I’m just playing around (because if I’m really serious, then I already achieve big things right?) and not being serious in my life and wasting my time only, and that thinking ends up with blaming myself even though I don’t know which exact part of me that should be blamed. Imagine this ridiculous case: you see a fellow Indonesian young adult win a motorcycle race (what is it called? I just throw a random case) on international scale. Your people celebrate his achievement and suddenly you feel bad because this youngster has done something for your country and you do nothing. But it’s actually weird because you feel sad and blame yourself when the person who make you feel this way is on a whole different track from you because you cannot even ride a bicycle without falling or going smoothly to trees or bushes. For what crime should I blame myself then? For abusing nature maybe yes.
2. I feel so conscious about my appearance on social media. How I present myself and how people will perceive it. It can be good if you want to maintain an image. But once again what’s weird and illogical is when I post something, and then I see another person post thing that is similar from the context (like selfie- wait, I never have one. Let’s say a photo of your face). And then other people give so many reactions to their post compared to yours. And then you feel like you fail or lose something again when nobody even makes any competition from it. Or maybe because I’m kind of afraid to be compared to others like someone is scrolling through their home and your photo appears after they see amazing photos before you and then they think, “Oh, just a mediocre person.” Well it’s least likely to happen because I actually don’t think like that while seeing people’s photos. Maybe, these kind of thoughts appear in my head because I hold such a high standard for me to follow compared to standard I hold for other people. I think if I really fail anything, it’s that I fail to give myself more love. I have so much tolerance and forgiveness for other people than for myself. And I’m so lucky to be surrounded by those who care and treat me well. But it won’t be forever right? Life is harsh and someday I have to be a tough lady who doesn’t rely on others’ approval. I feel relieved by this quote from John Green’s book Turtles All The Way Down: “Your now is not your forever.” I’m sure I will change, and that change comes gradually because reality doesn’t work like magical girls’ transformation.
3. The worst case of my whole Instagram phenomenon is when I forgot to be grateful for things I actually have. I think when you are exposed to all the good things you don’t get to experience or have, and other people have access to it, it’s easy to feel somewhat unluckier (astagfirullah, astagfirullah, astagfirullah). You know, I am currently reading Andrea Hirata’s Ayah and I find beautiful reminder about the art of feeling happy from the littlest things. My eyes are a little bit watery by writing this because I’m reminded by my mother’s words. She said the reason why she loves books about ‘kaum papa’ and other less fortunate people, people who go through difficulty in their life especially those who live in poverty, is because these books remind us about being happy in the simple way. They remind us to be grateful for the things we ask and then granted by God, the things we have even though we don’t ask it, they just remind me to live in this world and not holding a standard too high because in the end, it all doesn’t matter. Those sparkly things the world has to offer doesn’t mean anything compared to everything God Has Prepared for us in the afterlife (it’s what I believe based on my faith). “Dunia hanyalah senda gurau belaka.” That saying is a medicine for my mother when going through hardships in life. If my mother, a really strong woman, can navigate her life by focusing on what actually matters, so can I.
This post has gone out of my first intention to keep it short, but in the end I get my feelings here and there. It’s okay though, I feel relieved and content because writing about this issue actually leads me to think about it from different side. Thank you for reading until the last word :).
(This photo is irrelevant, but I just tried Afterlight today and I love it!)
Love it
BalasHapus